Reclamation
by Gage93
Summary: Post Immortality. Grissom's POV. Companion piece to Redemption Song. G/S


**Reclamation**

 **Disclaimer:** I do not claim ownership over CSI, it's characters or anything affiliated. This is merely my indulgence; I am only borrowing.

 **Spoilers:** Everything? The finale: CSI Immortality, One to Go.

 **Reclamation**

Sara once told me that she thought her life ran in parallel. It wasn't until I saw her striding towards me on the pier that I understood just what she meant. But she came for me, just as I had come for her, all those years ago. I had turned around and saw that beautiful expression, full of nervousness and hope and love and thought of how it must have mirrored mine when she turned to me in the Costa Rican rainforest. I had been nervous, but I also had hope. Because I loved, I had hope.

For years I had been afraid of what loving Sara would mean. Insecurities have a way of doing that to a person. With a childhood such as mine, losing a father and watching a mother unable to let go or fully live her life served as an example for my future. Love can be lost so suddenly, and all that one is left with when that happens is a ghost. It was only when I had to come to grips with the possibility that I could lose Sara that I saw what the potential for loving her could be. Life can change in an instant and trying to protect my heart from love would do nothing to safeguard it from loss.

I'd always known it would only be Sara. From the moment I met her, her face and voice and curiosity and intelligence stuck with me. She showed me the beauty in the world, where I'd only sought truth. She'd drawn from me a tenderness and a protectiveness that I'd never known I'd possessed, not to mention a streak of jealousy I thought below me. With her, I traded reason for emotion. It upset my balance in a way I could not fathom. She'd had faith where I found it impossible. The more I grew to know Sara, the more improbable it seemed that she could hold onto such trust in the world, or that she could put her faith in love. It was humbling for that love and that faith to be directed at me. If she could take that leap of faith, then I had to try. I had to try because when trying to protect myself from loving her, I had never taken into account that I already loved her.

Sara is the love of my life, though I've never known how to tell her. So much of our love was lost in miscommunication and misunderstanding. With Sara, I have never been able to find the words and without them, I could not communicate just what she meant to me. I could not communicate the fear I had when I first met her, knowing how she upset my balance. I could not communicate how the fear of the possibility of losing her kept me in a state of limbo with her for more years than I want to admit. I could not communicate how much I admired her passion and tenaciousness and intelligence. I could not communicate how her empathy for the victims drove me on to seek out the why of things, rather than just the how. I could not communicate how the beauty of her soul restored my belief in humanity.

Somehow, I was able to communicate my hopes for a relationship enough to start one, though rather than with words, I communicated with actions. Growing up in a deaf household, gestures and actions were my only means of communication. With Sara it was a kiss, a lingering morning full of slow, sweet lovemaking, a touch or a glance. Words were only possible later, but I could never say anything directly. I could only try to give Sara the evidence and trust in her ability to understand the truth behind it.

Words aren't enough though, when aren't direct. We spoke in too many riddles and too many metaphors that left too many misunderstandings. We spoke on too different a frequency. I could not communicate how I felt every time she left me, how each time it robbed me of some of that faith I'd begun to build up from the time I let myself be with Sara. When I let Sara go, I thought I was doing just that, letting her go, leaving her to something greater. What I'd found was loving and losing Sara did not leave me with nothing. It opened me up to the world. I still loved her, would always love her, and I was better for it. I still longed for her and held onto the faint hope that our love would win out, but we were existing on separate planes and she could not understand my song for her. Sara never trusted that I could love her the way she loved me.

It is peculiar, how our lives run in parallel. Sara and I had the same fears, that the other did not love each of us enough. I thought her leaving meant that she was moving on from me. I thought that I was holding her back from something. After all, she did not follow me like I had her. I let her go and tried to move on, knowing that a day would not go by when I wouldn't think of the love I have for her, that not a day would go by when I wouldn't miss her or yearn for her in a way I'd not known possible. But our lives run in parallel and just as she'd turned to find me all those years ago, I'd turned to find her as well, wearing that same expression that had mirrored mine.

When I'd left the crime lab, it had been time. When Sara left, she had finally found peace and was just hitting her stride in her career, taking it to new heights. It was the beginning of everything for her. That she could leave then, at the pinnacle of her career, just when she'd won the promotion to lab director, was a reaffirmation of our love. She left when it seemed most improbable she would. She had every reason to stay and only one reason to leave and still, she left. She chose me. It is empowering to find that the only person I've ever loved, loves me so completely in return. It is empowering that she could cast off the rest of her life to step into the unknown with me, that her happiness is as entwined with me as mine is with her. After all these years, the miscommunications, the separation, our love won out. Our love is stronger than all the misunderstandings.

I offer her my hand, as quickly as I can think of. As I help her into the boat I want to linger in each moment it takes, her hand softly in mine, putting her future in my hands, my hands on her hips, holding her steady above me, helping her in, staring across at her and seeing that expression, the mirror of mine years ago, wrapping my arms around her and closing my eyes and feeling her hands run over my back, smoothing and tugging and holding me as though she will never let go. As the thought enters me, it redeems me. I will never let go again.

This is where we are meant to be. This is what we are meant to be doing, freeing ourselves from the shackles that made up our lives to tie ourselves only to each other. Freeing ourselves to live the life we were meant for. We are going to use our skills to help the earth and find answers for the future of our planet. This is what Sara is really meant for. She's known it since she first asked me to take that trip on the Sea Sheppard. When I found it, she'd lost it, but now we are here together. This is our redemption. This is our hope. We are finally going to move on from the misunderstandings, to sing at the same frequency, made possible by the power of the ocean and our shared love. We are meant for the ocean. We are meant to take breaths of salty air and fill our lungs with moisture. We are meant for a world of beauty and grace and humanity. We are meant for love.

We are on the ocean, the salty breeze in our faces. Ishmael glides over the water, into the unknown. Sara is on my arm. Her head is on my shoulder. She is letting me steer us into our future. I am smiling and guiding us and thinking about how tenderly I love her, how endlessly. The sky is a mixture of blue and orange and so is the water. The light is casting a perfect glow. It is the most beautiful moment of my life. This is our golden hour.


End file.
